Perfectionists

Perhaps you find yourself striving to make things better, while at the same time live in fear of making a mistake. 

You’re mostly well-organized and high standards are something you've come to expect from yourself, as well as others. Some people may have even referred to you as a “type A” personality or an "overachiever".  On the surface, there's nothing wrong with being detail oriented and wanting the best. The problem is that you can also become quite critical, frustrated, resentful, and overwhelmed. Maybe there's a moment where you've noticed that you've been stuck and unable to complete or start a task because you’ve suddenly become overwhelmed by the details.  There's an "everything needs to be done a certain way" approach, and if it's not done perfectly then why even bother.

Then there's the shame and the stories we tell ourselves...

I should be handle it all by myself, and I should be able to do it all to perfection.  When you can't make something perfect may experience guilt, shame, frustration, resentment, or even anger.  You're constantly asking yourself when will this be enough. 

Do any of these statements sound familiar? 

  •  You work hard at avoiding criticism and judgment.  It feels like something is hanging over your head.

  • Your inner critical voice is loud (and obnoxious).

  • You try so hard to keep it all together, an maybe you're trapped by self-imposed rules.

  • You keep the lid on expressing emotions.

  • It's hard (or nearly impossible) to ask for help.

  • You're really hard on yourself over insignificant things.

  • You may notice signs and symptoms of anxiety, depression, and/or grief.

  • Sometimes (ok most times) it can be hard to trust (or hear your own inner voice)

  • Other people may have pointed out that sometimes, and often out of nowhere you become angry or aggressive.

  • There may be an underlying story that you must be perfect in order to be worthy.

  • You may not have noticed the physical tolls of: tension in the neck, shoulders, or jaw

  • You notice that you hold your breath

Ok...breathe. 

Let's agree there are strengths in perfectionism.  My guess is that you’re honest, responsible, conscientious, and hard-working.  More than likely you find you desire more balance and less resentment. 

 

Individual counseling can be extremely effective in helping you to find the balance of letting go, asking for help, and trusting. 

Together we'll identify what's currently working for you.  We'll also manage the unhelpful thoughts, feelings, and stories that feed the need to be perfect. No two people are the same, therefore your sessions will be tailored specifically to you. I often suggest weekly homework assignments so that you can apply what we've discussed throughout the week. 

 

You will receive easy to use tools you can utilize on a daily basis, and the opportunity to unmask the underlying root of what's not working for you. You'll learn techniques and coping strategies to help calm your busy mind.  In addition therapy will offer support, new concepts, and answer questions about the issues you're experiencing. 

A side note:  People like people that are flawed (gasp!)

As a recovering perfectionist, I've experienced many setbacks. The inability to ask for help is real.  A mixture of not wanting to put someone out, not trusting they'll come through for you, and feeling guilty that I should be able to be all and do all. It's no joke.  There were times that my powerful inner critic combined with my sense of responsibility for making things perfect created the "not-so-perfect" storm of resentment and shame. 

You deserve to receive the help you need to get out of your own way.  Let's do this!

 

200 Main Street, Suite 201H

Hilton Head Island, SC 29926

sheila@heart-mind-soul.com

heart mind & soul 
counseling, llc
therapy for your heart mind & soul
 
Sheila Tucker, LAMFT, MA

Tel: 843-592-3998

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South Carolina Associate Marriage & Family Therapist License #6801

© 2017 by Sheila Tucker