Creative Ways to Increase Self-confidence

Self-confidence is a big one. I know I’ve had my own struggles. And, a lack of self-confidence is one of the topics clients bring up most often during sessions. So what is it?

Self-confidence is loosely defined as trusting yourself or trusting in yourself.

Sounds simple enough, right?

Oh, so wrong. If I listen to my inner dialogue, it will tell me all of the reasons that I shouldn’t trust myself or how it can all go completely wrong. It’s quick to tap into my insecurities, unhelpful internal beliefs, and awaken my self-doubt and fears. The conundrum is that we’re wired for safety, and stretching outside of our comfort zone is not safe.

There are inherent dangers once we tread outside the norm. We could embarrass ourselves, we could fall flat on our faces, or we could do amazing things and at the same time experience the feeling we’re a fraud.

The longer we pay attention to these unhelpful thoughts, the more likely they are to become our beliefs. Eventually, it’ll become our truth, and we won’t even question their existence.

These unhelpful beliefs will become the distorted lens through which we view life- and they’re far from rose-colored.

There’s a way to unhook and to witness your world through a lens that’s not distorted - no optometrist necessary. But, it will take consistent work.

You’ll notice the title of this blog includes the word ‘ways.’ That’s because, ultimately, it takes action, a method, in order to increase your level of self-confidence.

Thinking about it just won’t do the trick. If that were the case, we’d all have self-confidence on a whim.

Instead, an increase in self-confidence necessitates the experience of small wins. Small wins happen through experience and over time create big changes to our perspective and the way we relate to our world.

Below are a few ways you can begin to increase your self-confidence today. Keep in mind, building your self-confidence happens one small step at a time. This is not a ‘one-and-done’ sort of a thing. It’s more of a wash, rinse, repeat. It’s best to practice self-confidence building skills repeatedly to reap the most benefits.

Practice positive self-talk.

This suggestion is exactly what it says. Practice positive self-talk. As mentioned above, we’re wired to scan our space for worst-case scenarios. In the age of the caveman, this kept us safe from harm.

Today’s scanning is more typical of trying to stay out of the way of mental and emotional harm. This will get our inner critic out in full force, yelling at us through a bullhorn.

Try self-compassion. In a voice you’d use with a small child or your beloved pet, tell yourself, ‘I can do this’, ‘I am strong’, ‘I can do hard things’, or whatever positive talk you want and need at the moment. Guaranteed, you’re inner critic will complain. Stay the course.

Do one thing that scares you every day.

When I suggest this one to most clients, they balk and come up with many reasons this will never work. Right. Keep in mind this is within reason. It’s meant to be uncomfortable enough to get your inner critic rumbling but not so much so that you have a panic attack.

Slightly uncomfortable. Not painful.

For example, if you’re really shy or generally keep to yourself, say hello to the person stocking the shelves at the grocery store. Or, if there’s a class, seminar, thing you’ve wanted to do, go and do it. An insider tip: In the beginning, you may want to start out doing something that scares you once a week and work your way up to once a day.

Question your inner critic.

You know that voice in your head that tells you can’t do anything right. Yep, it’s time for a sit-down. Because, truly, when has criticizing and bullying yourself ever been effective anyway.

The suggestion here is to be inquisitive. Is there any evidence to support what your inner critic is saying? I’m talking about actual concrete facts, not your thoughts and feelings. Have there been times when this wasn’t true?

Set yourself up for a win.

That’s right, create a situation in which you complete the goal. Then congratulate yourself.

Insider tip: Start small. For example, a goal may be to speak up for what you want. You can set yourself up for a win by asking for something insignificant. This can be asking a store clerk for help finding something or making a simple request of your significant other like turning on the oven or checking the mail.

Challenge yourself to take it to the next level by including requests that really stir your inner critic.

Make a list of your achievements.

Playing off of the last suggestion. Write down all of the times you’ve achieved ‘success.’ We all have different definitions of success. For this exercise, I’m asking you to consider success as anything you set out to do and accomplish.

For example, getting out of bed, feeding the pets, watering the plants, and continuing to place one foot in front of the other are valid achievements. If you have bigger successes, great, list those as well.

It’s often incredibly easy to remember all the times we’ve missed the mark, while we cannot remember our achievements.

There are many ways to build self-confidence. It all begins with taking action in small, manageable steps. Again, keep in mind that it takes time, and consistency is key.

Questions about how to increase your self-confidence and work with your inner critic? Contact me at www.heart-mind-soul.com. It’s my pleasure to support you.