Engine Lights & Self-Care
There’s nothing like it: a sunny, almost cloudless sky, nearly zero humidity, the wind gently blowing through my hair, and me putting on a sold-out concert in my car.
Until…
It shown brightly on an otherwise dark dashboard. My check engine light was on…again—the second time in a week. The bright orange engine indicator was all a glow.
F&**k!!!
Like my car, I, too, need a tune-up. Being true to form, I typically ignore the signs. Pretending it doesn’t exist. (Hand over eyes…la la la.)
This time, I’m tuning in. Here’s what I’m doing this time.
The Power of the Pause
I’m sure the idea of a pause sounds like a great idea. But that’s for other people, you say. The ones who have it all figured out and have somehow crafted or manifested this time. And also highly unlikely it will happen.
In our fast-paced world, the art of pausing has become an increasingly elusive skill. The relentless pursuit of productivity, the constant bombardment of information, and the stories you tell yourself about all of it make it challenging to embrace the quiet moments that can lead to profound personal growth.
Loving Yourself Like Your Pet Loves You
Have you ever met someone that melts your heart immediately and leaves you feeling relaxed just in their presence? What if that someone was you?
Okay, I sense an eyeroll moment. Or perhaps, I’m projecting because when I first considered this as a possibility, I may have scoffed and rolled my eyes too.
Navigating the Storm Within: A Guide to Managing Overthinking
Overthinkers unite! As we embark on this whimsical journey into the realm of overthinking, fasten your seatbelts (if only it were that simple) and prepare for a rollercoaster ride through the intricate corridors of our minds.
Holiday Headaches
…the American Psychological Association reports a 38 percent increase in stress during the holiday season among the people surveyed. Honestly, I’m shocked the percentage isn’t higher. It’s a whole lot of juggling for the jingle. And it’s one of the reasons I boycotted the holidays one year.
Festive Family Feuds: A Survival Guide
Instead of retelling another story about the how-tos of gratitude, let’s dive into those festive family feuds that flare up around the holidays. You know, the ones that can start with a simple disapproving look or a phrase known to stoke the flames of a disagreement. I’ve found that most of these comments usually remind us of how we’re not measuring up, and many are passive-aggressive.
Taking up Space
Take up space. She wanted us to take up space, and the mere thought of it made me uncomfortable. I felt a shiver run down my spine. There was an inner struggle with vulnerability and people-pleasing. And even though I was the host, I had no idea who would win this battle.
Life with a little less pressure
Bowie thought to write a whole song about it, only to later have Vanilla Ice use its iconic melodic hook. What am I talking about? Pressure. More importantly, we wear it like a badge of honor and self-worth. Or, in some cases, we have no idea the weight we’re carrying. What if we could live with just a tad less pressure in our lives?
Gaslighting : The Family Edition
Gaslighting can and does occur in families. Gaslighting most likely surfaces when you attempt to question a family member about their inconsistency, holes in their story, or questionable actions.
When Gaslighting Occurs in the Workplace
As my communications with management grew more, uh, interesting, I started to see a pattern. Gaslighting. Now, for the record, I don’t throw this word around lightly. I believe that some people can be merely assholes, have asshole moments, or need to inflate their sense of self for whatever deep-seated purpose.
Gaslighting: the series
Gaslighting can and does occur in families. Gaslighting most likely surfaces when you attempt to question a family member about their inconsistency, holes in their story, or questionable actions.
Couples, Arguments, and Reactions
Relationships can be confusing. We all have longings and desires. For many, it’s a longing for connection, to be understood and heard, and to know that our partner is there for us. When something happens within our relationships that creates distress and threatens our longings, we experience pain and fear. We begin to question our relationship, our love, our connection.
Wanting Closeness When You Feel Disconnected From Your Partner
You want to make changes. You want to relate to your partner differently- in a way that’s helpful, fosters connection, and yet is suitable for the moment. But when you go to reach toward them, you feel a tightening, and then you recoil. It’s risky to change our patterns and reach out, mainly when we’ve already predetermined the outcome. Or when we’ve historically been met with our partner’s coolness. Being vulnerable can seem like a risk too huge to take.
What not to say to someone with an anxiety disorder
While most people experience times of worry and anxiety, there's absolutely no comparison to what people with anxiety disorder experience. Sure, it was most likely uncomfortable. Yet, given enough time, the anxiety subsided, and you were on your way. Anxiety disorder is a different beast. Most of the day, every single day, they are entangled in intense feelings of worry, guilt, and shame. Many will experience panic attacks. And there's an underlying fear something dire will happen. Not to mention the swirling storm of competing thoughts, usually of the "what if" variation. There's an overwhelming sense of being out of control. Thereby pulling you to try to control anything and everything in your path. There are rarely any exceptions. To say that anxiety is challenging is an understatement. While the person with anxiety is experiencing an internal battle for control, the person watching feels helpless and confused. It's mentally and emotionally taxing for everyone involved.
Managing Your Mental Health During COVID-19
Because I'm a therapist and a curious person, I'm continually asking the people I speak with how they're feeling during this time. Resentment, loneliness, anxiety, depression, fear, and overwhelm are just a few of the feelings that I've come across in my conversations with others. I've also realized, albeit necessary, that there’s a lot of talk about physical health, like washing hands and wearing a mask. At the same time, there's hardly any information about mental health. To support you and your mental health, I've compiled a list of ways to assist you in remaining active and responding to your mental health needs.
For the love of humanity
I’ve been taking A LOT of time to self-reflect on what I can do to be a better human and white woman. This includes taking a look at the parts of me I’d rather not confront: where I’ve been complicit, microaggressions, and who I surround myself with and why. It’s not enough for me to say I stand with you if I’m not actively working on myself and what I’m standing for. I get it. White privilege is hard for some people to wrap their heads around. The first place most people go when they deny it is to list all of the ways they were not privileged in life. It typically sounds like, “But wait, I grew up poor, or I experienced childhood trauma.”
Online Therapy: Discussing Hesitancy
The coronavirus has caught many people off guard - therapists and clients alike. I’ll be the first to admit that I LOVE connecting with clients face-to-face. I’ve also had excellent experiences with strictly online clients. Nonetheless, the sudden shift from the known to the unknown can be unsettling. The thought of learning something new while juggling working from home, being out of work, homeschooling kids, or all of the above might seem overwhelming.
Creating Stability During COVID-19
These are uncertain and surreal times. And now, more than ever, we need each other. This is our time to step up and practice compassion for ourselves and others. It’s also important to point out that uncertainty usually brings up a lot of feelings. It’s ok to feel them all. You have permission to feel shitty, relieved, anxious, resentful, angry, joyful, confused...whatever you’re feeling.
Get Out of Your Way
The unfortunate truth is that it's me getting in my own way. And I can also move my speed bump of a body out of the way.
3 Ways to Calm Your Anxious Mind
So here it is. Your mind will always think. Constantly. All. Of. The. Time. You can’t stop your mind from thinking. That’s what minds do. It means you’re alive. Oh, and those thoughts you’ve labeled as negative…you can’t stop those either.