Photo Credit: @hckmstrrahul
***This article was adapted from a talk given to the Women’s Group of Hampton Lakes in Bluffton, South Carolina. It originally appeared in the November 2026 issue of Celebrate Hilton Head, Bluffton, & Beyond (CH2/CB2).
It's 4:47 on a Tuesday, and you're staring at four words on your phone.
Can we talk tomorrow?
That's it.
No emoji, no "no rush."
Zero context.
Just those four words, and a heaviness in the pit of your stomach.
By 4:48, you've already decided it's something really bad. You're mentally bracing yourself and running through every possible scenario and comeback.
By 4:50, you're certain this has been coming for weeks. There's always a sign, right? You take a deep breath and respond with "yes."
Three minutes. That's all it took for four neutral words to transform, rather creatively, into a worst-case scenario.
Almost immediately, an incessant doom-and-gloom voice bellows in your head. Evidence to the contrary and facts are no longer considered valid. Who needs those when this story of intrigue and the unknown is so much more interesting?
Fortunately, that voice isn't malicious. It's only trying to help. However, it's a bit too enthusiastic and extremely unhelpful.
Our brains want to know. They crave certainty. So when you receive four ambiguous words, your brain fills in the blanks.
In an effort to keep you "safe" from emotional harm, your greatest fears are used to fill in the blanks. That way you're prepared for the worst-case scenario. Super helpful, right?
Your response is a leftover survival instinct. A brain that once needed to assume the rustling bush was a predator, not the neighborhood cat. Because guessing wrong the other way could get you killed. Unfortunately, our nervous system doesn't delineate between real and made-up harm, which leads to catastrophizing.
To help you better understand, here are a few more examples of catastrophizing.
You have a minor disagreement with a friend and tell yourself the relationship is over.
Your boss wants to talk to you. Clearly, you say to yourself, "I'm being fired."
They didn't respond to my text message right away. They must be angry with me.
I can't find my keys. I'm going to be late to my doctor's appointment. They'll cancel my appointment, and then I'll have to wait another six months to get in.
Stands up quickly and gets light-headed. Oh no, I'm going to pass out or have a stroke, and no one is going to find me until it's too late.
Did I mention that you can't stop thinking?
Yeah, about that. That's what minds do. They think. A lot. About very random things and experiences, or the whole collection of could've, would've, should've.
So, if I can't stop thinking and will most likely fill in the blanks with something catastrophic, what can I do?
The short answer: you learn to interrupt it the moment it starts talking. A simple task, but not easy. Stay with me.
One way you can do this is through reframing. Reframing starts by noticing the story you're telling yourself. Then, ask for clarity. "Wait. Is this what's actually happening, or what I'm telling myself?"
Here are a few of my favorite ways to introduce a new perspective through reframing.
Facts Reframe: What are the facts? Not what you feel or think...just the facts. Let's say you received a text that said, "Can we talk?" That's it. Those are the facts. Your reframe could be to acknowledge your feelings and then recognize that you don't have any other information.
Empathy Reframe: Notice what you're saying to yourself. I bet it's not very nice. Now, respond to yourself using the same compassion and grace you'd give someone you love. Extra points for saying it yourself aloud in front of a mirror.
Behavioral Reframe: Pause and take a look at your actions. What are some of the ways you've been a good friend, partner, or parent? Noticing where your helpful actions contradict your unhelpful thoughts can often soften your distorted thinking.
To be abundantly clear, reframing isn't about glossing over a situation or pretending everything is okay. Instead, it gives you options or another way to view the situation.
Let's revisit the 'Can we talk tomorrow' text.
It's 4:47 again. Same four words.
This time, around word three of your mental oh no self-talk, you notice what you're saying to yourself.
"Okay", you think. "That's the story. What are the facts?"
You distill it down to recognizing your friend sent four words with no context. That's it. Everything else is the story created by your brilliant brain.
You pause again. Take a deep breath. You're still unsettled and have a lot of questions. It's uncomfortable. But once you stop confusing uncomfortable with untrue, it becomes more manageable.
Instead of giving in to your thoughts, you respond with a text. "Is everything okay?" Because asking for clarity is one way to gather more information.
Reframing isn't "everything is fine." It isn't a pep talk. Reframing doesn't hand you a positive result. It helps to change the story you're telling yourself.
It's not always tidy. The first few times you try it, it can feel a little silly. That's okay. It's going to feel unfamiliar before it feels natural, the same way any new habit does.
Most four-word texts are just four-word texts. Plain and simple. You won't always be able to prove that voice in your head wrong before you know the actual ending. But you can learn to pause, notice, and consider other options before you've even seen the evidence.
Next time you catch yourself going down the rabbit hole, creating tragedies that may not exist, try asking yourself a few questions: What are the facts? What's my story? And how can I reframe this?
Mindfully Yours,
Sheila Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of Heart Mind & Soul Counseling, LLC. She empowers clients who overthink, worry, and experience their fair share of anxiety to become more rooted in peace, ease, and confidence. When not in the office, you'll find her walking her pups or planning her next mountain getaway with her husband.
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