Twinkle Lights for the Soul
Sheila Tucker, LMFT, founder of Heart Mind & Soul Counseling in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, writer, and wearer of really tall wedges.
***This article originally appeared in the December 2025 issue of Celebrate Hilton Head, Bluffton, & Beyond (CH2/CB2).
I'll be the first to tell you that I approach the time change like a toddler being put down for a nap.
I fight it all the way.
As much as I love the idea of an extra hour of sleep, I never seem to get it. And, simply put, I'm not a fan of the shorter days and longer nights. Even a month in, I'm still not used to it.
However, there is a part of this season that I do love. The twinkling of the lights of the holidays and sitting in front of a fire.
Everything is so pretty in the firelight, and when twinkling lights are involved. For me, it symbolizes togetherness, coziness, and connection. Just thinking about the over-the-top, Clark Griswald-inspired decorations brings a smile to my face.
I also know you don't have to limit looking for twinkling lights only to darkness. Dare I say, you can also look for light in your everyday life.
I call them glimmers.
One day, as I was sitting in my office with the sun shining through the windows, the sparkling remnants of a glitter-infused project caught my eye.
I immediately smiled, remembering all of the fun and the quick mental health lessons that happened that day. Because yes, there can be a mental health message in glitter.
I define glimmers as the times when something brings you peace or a smile to your face, even if it's only slight.
Although I excitedly thought I came up with this original idea, it was first coined by Deb Dana, a clinician and author known for her work with Polyvagal Theory.
She describes glimmers as "micro-moments of safety, connection, and regulation that help a person's nervous system feel calm and centered, even amidst suffering." They're the small, often fleeting moments that quietly remind you and your nervous system that safety and connection still exist.
And they're literally everywhere, yet so easy to miss. Especially when life feels like a nonstop to-do list.
Your nervous system is constantly scanning the environment for cues of safety and danger. This process happens below your conscious awareness and influences everything from how easily you connect with others to how you process stress.
When you notice a glimmer, even for a second, your body gets the message: You're safe right now.
There's a slight release of your muscles. Your breathing begins to steady. Your shoulders move ever so slightly away from your ears. Your capacity for connection and curiosity expands.
Glimmers help us feel grounded and more present, which is particularly powerful for those who live in a state of chronic stress, anxiety, or emotional vigilance.
To be clear, noticing glimmers doesn't mean pretending everything's okay when it isn't.
Unfortunately, they're not erasers, wiping away your negative experiences or feelings. Instead, it's about recognizing that safety and calm can coexist with uncertainty, and perhaps chaos.
Even during hard seasons, your body can learn to find its way back to steadiness, one small signal at a time.
It takes practice to notice the subtle.
Our brains are wired with a negativity bias. It's a survival mechanism that prioritizes potential threats over pleasant experiences, like focusing on that ONE thing that went wrong today, instead of the many that turned out okay.
Thousands of years ago, this helped us stay alive. Today, it can steal your time and happiness, rather than allowing you to sit in the glow of a sunset or be present with the people you love the most.
But the beautiful thing about the nervous system is that it can be retrained. Each time you recognize a glimmer, you strengthen neural pathways that make calm and safety easier to access in the future.
Here's a quick practice to get you started.
As you go about your day, be on the lookout for situations that make you smile, even slightly, or make you utter "yes" under your breath.
Notice what it feels like in your body.
That's your glimmer.
Here are a few of my personal examples:
Hearing my dog snore (especially after a really long walk)
Watching the birds visiting my bird feeder (yes, I'm that old)
Catching a green light at an intersection known for a long red light
Yours could be:
Feeling a gentle breeze on your face
The sound of your children giggling
Hearing your favorite song while driving to work
By acknowledging these moments, you're teaching your body that peace is possible, even if it's fleeting.
Over time, your awareness expands, and instead of looking for glimmers, they begin to appear in the most unexpected places, like when you're pumping gas or grocery shopping.
There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not suggesting the concept of glimmers to a client. I do it because it's an easy win.
In real time, you can have proof that you don't have to overhaul your life to feel a sense of ease or tap into your curiosity. You just have to notice what's already there.
When you ignore these micro-moments, life can start to feel like an endurance test. It can be easy to spiral into a state of doom and gloom or hopelessness. But when you pause to see them, you begin to experience yourself and your situations differently.
Your world starts to widen. You become a little more open and a little more curious. Relationships have the capacity to deepen because you can connect from a regulated place rather than a reactive one. (I often say, No one wants to hug a cactus.)
Glimmers remind us that joy and peace don't always arrive in grand gestures. They live in ordinary, often overlooked moments, the ones that make up most of our days.
Each small noticing is an act of care. Each moment of awareness is a soft reminder to your nervous system that safety, connection, and goodness still exist.
The more you notice glimmers, the more you feel them.
The more you feel them, the more they grow.
And perhaps that's the quiet magic of glimmers.
They will teach you how to come home to yourself, one ordinary, extraordinary moment at a time. Especially during these longer nights of winter.
Mindfully your,
Sheila Tucker is a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Heart Mind & Soul Counseling. She empowers clients who overthink, worry, and experience their fair share of anxiety to become more rooted in peace, ease, and confidence. When not in the office, you'll find her walking her pups or planning her next mountain getaway with her husband.
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